Dear friends,
It seems over the past few months my social media feeds have frequently included posts and comments about pastors who have committed suicide. While I have yet to have had a friend choose this path, many of my colleagues have lost fellow pastor friends and neighbors to suicide. The frequency of these occurrences has give me pause and caused me to think about the reasons I believe pastors may feel trapped and choose the path of suicide. So in this month of “Pastor Appreciation” allow me to share with you some of the other side of being a pastor.
1. We are failures. Intentional or not, the message we receive today is clear. If your church is not growing, if your congregation is not a “mega-church,” then you are a failure. I remember having lunch with a gentleman and being asked what size of church I saw myself pastoring. I answered that I used to see myself pastoring a church of around 700 (to this day I do not know why that number) but now I am more interested in pastoring a church of significance than size. A church can be in the thousands and be doing nothing for the Kingdom of God, and a church can be a few dozen and cause the gates of hell to tremble in fear. My answer was not the right one.
Listen to what Trevin Wax has to say about this in his book, Holy Subversion:
Imagine interviewing for a church position today and saying, “I believe God wants us to be kingdom-focused and mission-minded. It could be that as we start to move into more intensive discipleship, we will shrink before we grow.” In most churches, you would be shown the door quickly. It’s too risky. No one wants to hear about shrinking. Never mind that the concept is biblical. Never mind that Jesus talks about branches being pruned for the good of the tree. Never mind that shrinking actually happened in Jesus’ earthly ministry. Embracing the small over the big? This is the era of super-sizing everything. Bigger is better—always; isn’t it?
2. Money is tight. Really tight. Money is a reality of life. And a lack of it in churches and a pastor’s monthly paycheck is also a reality. The skill set required to be a pastor could earn exponentially more in the marketplace. It is hard to not feel the draw to greener pastures as we see our social media friends go on elaborate vacations, buy new cars, and upgrade their houses. As a human I am responsible for the finances of my home. As a pastor I am responsible for the finances of the church. The weight of the two can be crushing sometimes. But, apart from starting a printing press in the church basement, there is little pastors can actually do about it.
3. We can’t leave. When a pastor decides to quit being a pastor or to even take a break from ministry, it is seen as at best, a failure and, at worst, an act of apostasy. Jesus said in Matthew 16:26, “What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?” Sometimes pastors need to save their souls and leave the ministry. Church and denominational leaders, please let them go without tearing them down and exiling them for life.
4. Pastors are human too . . . but many forget this. We have good days and bad days. We say things we wish we wouldn’t have said and don’t say things that need to be said. Our kids behave in church and they don’t behave. We get sick. We get tired. We are still learning and growing. As a pastor I have been yelled at, slandered, threatened, lied to, betrayed, and gossiped about, just to name a few–all by the “saints” of the church. As one pastor I knew said, “Why is it that the people who call themselves ‘entirely sanctified’ are the most selfish, prideful people in the church?” It’s a good question to ask. Truth be told, I have never experienced the kind of personal attacks in the secular job world as I have experienced in the church. It would never be tolerated.
5. We have friends and yet we don’t. For most people when they move into a new community one of the greatest challenges is fitting in and finding friends. On this front, pastors have a huge advantage. When we move into a community it comes with a ready-made set of friends and support network. But, of course, it is a community tied directly to our vocation and so this can make forming deep friendships incredibly difficult.
As you read these words, think about how you might encourage your pastor. I mean, REALLY, encourage him or her.
Finally, I need to say something about my current church, Hope. You are a rare treasure in this world. The quality of leadership, depth of relationship, and care for your pastors and community is unmatched. Thank you for allowing us the privilege of sharing life with you.
Pastor Stephen